To look back and think of how anxious I used to be just four short years ago baffles me. I was constantly worried that every decision I made would be the most important decision of my life. I had felt as if every opportunity, even as simple as the way I walked to class or what I decided to wear that day, could possibly have been a missed opportunity and there was a constant thought in the back of my mind - "what if?" Every moment felt as if I was at some competition of life. I would see good traits in someone else and try to emulate them in myself, but fail, and then be frustrated with myself for not being successful with things I had tried so hard to "perfect" about myself.
This past summer is when I had my epiphany. I was made the way I am for a reason. There is no perfect ideal to live up to. We are made a certain way and we live our lives, both of which shape us into who we are - the influence of our nature and nurture. My mind is a blessing; my talents are blessings; my surroundings are blessings. Because of the way I am, there are wonderful people that I will have the opportunity to have relationships with that would not be the same if I was any different from the way I am now. Though it's difficult to not compare myself to the good traits I see in other people, I have to keep in mind that I have traits of my own that they don't have and won't ever have, and t h a t. i s. o.k.a.y. Comparison truly is the thief of joy. Taking ownership of my middle name, I can't continue to compare myself to others because then I am losing myself, my true self, to something that I'm not. I am not envy. I am not jealously. There are a lot of things that I am, but those are not them. I love all the things I am and this jumble of wonderful events I'm thrown into called life. Life is beautiful, and I love looking out into God's creation knowing I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, doing what I'm made to be doing, being who I was created to be. Once I realized this, my life changed for the better. I'm not going to lie and say I never worried ever again after this day, but any worry I have now is only slight in comparison to the permanent comfort and calm I have now. Any worry or trouble is fleeting. This is where true joy comes in. Joy is a state of being, not a temporary emotional state, and finding this through my Savior is t h e best thing that's ever happened to me.
Differences exist to be celebrated, and I invite you to celebrate with me.
